Well, I lied and got a draft deferment from being sent to the Salvation Army during Operation Jingleballs this past holiday rush. So as
@Jethro Rocker figured out: I'd been spending some time lurking around Dave Matthews' Blenheim Vineyards outside of Charlottesville, swapping out his wine bottles with Thunderbird and MD 20/20 until I got caught by his Gorge Crew fanclub and tortured for days, forced to listen to his entire live bootleg discography. Managed to escape on foot and traverse the Appalachian mountains through a blizzard until I finally reached my home again. And so here I am!
*Or, I just been remodeling my bedroom and dropping in occasionally: you can pick which version sounds better lmao*