TTR Game of Toanz

[Jethro Rocker]

The band was starting to really gel. We were in desperate need of new transport, however, plus a record contract.
Lo and behold at one of our shows this record exec from Legit Rekkerds shows up. He hit us up after the show.
His name was Buster Hymen.

We signed a contract cause we needed money.
A few sore points tho.
1 - He was to take 80% of the take of everything and we paid 100% of the bills.
2 - We had to record all songs while naked. Not sure why.... certainly not for blackmail, we didn't think.
3- Tours included no booze, that was up to us, but gallons of chocolate milk.
Something wrong with that guy...

However, we got a $50k advance!! Yay!! SO we got a new van, the Shaggin Wagon.

We also spent $10k of our own money ( we found out later) on a massive party. Beer flowed from the second floor down to the first via hose.
Women were everywhere!
Someone set off fireworks in the venue.
There was pee on the floor....
can't remember much else.
Awoke with a pair of cheetah undies on and nothing else. Someone drew a dick on my face....
Wasn't getting that for a tat so settled for this.

At the party was a tech/ roadie guy. We sure didn't want him but figured the local band Fiveskin could use a good dude like this.

I wish them luck....

 

[mcblink]

^^^^
Arrgghh!! The party video is too crazy, too much debauchery. It's been pulled off the net everywhere. But trust me...it was awesome!

Here it is!!

 

[SG John]

From his gag reflex at the end of the video, you'd think he just drank some of the bong water.

 

[Thatbastarddon]

GOT 13…



Spilling out of the service entrance, from our most recent show, we find ourselves face to face with a rep from “Legit Rekkerds”, and his….ummmmm…assistant….



He said his name was “Nathaniel Puckerpill”. He and his muffin-haired Princess Puckerpill(for lack of an actual name) were there to make us an offer that would “change the landscape of Stonerdom”…He wanted us to sign with “Legit Rekkerds”. A sweet sounding(of course) deal, that involved some upgrades to gear and travel arrangements. It all sounded great…cash was “key”….

…But there were some really weird stipulations upon the reading of the contract.

1. We (Squatcher) are allowed the food catering of our choice, at no expense to us, at every gig…with one exception….there was to be “no chicken vindaloo” to be served or consumed. They cited some sort of “spiritual objection”.
2. We (Squatcher) are allowed any beer we request to be served to us, at no expense to us, at any time…day or night…with one exception… There will be no “Foster’s Lager” served to, or consumed by, any core band members. Again, some sort of “spiritual objection”.
3. We (Squatcher) agree to publicly donate $1.00 to the “DAMM (Drunks Against Mad Mothers)” charity….some sort “spiritual quest” cited.

We all agreed, and signed on the dotted lines….



Legit Rekkerds coughed up a solid $50k advance, and suggested that we “upgrade our transportation to a more robust level. So we found an apocalypse Volvo C313….it’s frikken sweet!!!



Oh yeah!!! It even has a place to stash my machete! Diggin it! It’s a bit like The Squalid Peach, in that it is muuuuuuch nicer on the inside! And no worries about the paint.(except the logo, of course)



Legit Rekkerds even helped out with our $10k celebration! They provided some famous tattoo artist for the night. We all tossed back more than one of Cliff’s test tubes, and things got a bit fuzzy….I remember Veronica, Giselle, Whatshername, and BoBo’s hot mom requesting “things”….next thing I know I wake up to find myself surrounded by nine empty ravioli cans, a lit blowtorch, and these two weirdo dudes staring at my left shoulder…





“Sweet tattoo dude!!!”

…is what I remember hearing from these mutants, as I desperately wanted to have BoBo’s mom show up with some WaffleHouse takeout….



These degen-morons were claiming to be “super-skilled sound tech’s”, and were willing to work for some smokes, and Old Dutch Dressed chips…They called themselves “Rory and Taylor”….





…but they came as a “package deal”…. I had other ideas…

I remembered that we had already picked up some smelly caveman dude recently, and he was good for attracting the attention of Sasquatches within a 5 kilometer radius…apparently he smells like a female….”in season”. Oh, and he’s actually quite strong…can move a lot of gear, and works for those cheap hotdogs….quite a bargain, even if we have to hose him down in his cage on the roof of the van every night….so we can get some sleep.



So I sent “Dumby and Kerphuckio” off to the Iced Sloth crew. They would take these mutant aliens on….

 

[Mitch Pearrow SJMP]

Here it is!!

That was great…. …why does it feel like I have been to a party like that??

 

[Mitch Pearrow SJMP]

GOT 13…



Spilling out of the service entrance, from our most recent show, we find ourselves face to face with a rep from “Legit Rekkerds”, and his….ummmmm…assistant….

View attachment 91866

He said his name was “Nathaniel Puckerpill”. He and his muffin-haired Princess Puckerpill(for lack of an actual name) were there to make us an offer that would “change the landscape of Stonerdom”…He wanted us to sign with “Legit Rekkerds”. A sweet sounding(of course) deal, that involved some upgrades to gear and travel arrangements. It all sounded great…cash was “key”….

…But there were some really weird stipulations upon the reading of the contract.

1. We (Squatcher) are allowed the food catering of our choice, at no expense to us, at every gig…with one exception….there was to be “no chicken vindaloo” to be served or consumed. They cited some sort of “spiritual objection”.
2. We (Squatcher) are allowed any beer we request to be served to us, at no expense to us, at any time…day or night…with one exception… There will be no “Foster’s Lager” served to, or consumed by, any core band members. Again, some sort of “spiritual objection”.
3. We (Squatcher) agree to publicly donate $1.00 to the “DAMM (Drunks Against Mad Mothers)” charity….some sort “spiritual quest” cited.

We all agreed, and signed on the dotted lines….



Legit Rekkerds coughed up a solid $50k advance, and suggested that we “upgrade our transportation to a more robust level. So we found an apocalypse Volvo C313….it’s frikken sweet!!!

View attachment 91867

Oh yeah!!! It even has a place to stash my machete! Diggin it! It’s a bit like The Squalid Peach, in that it is muuuuuuch nicer on the inside! And no worries about the paint.(except the logo, of course)



Legit Rekkerds even helped out with our $10k celebration! They provided some famous tattoo artist for the night. We all tossed back more than one of Cliff’s test tubes, and things got a bit fuzzy….I remember Veronica, Giselle, Whatshername, and BoBo’s hot mom requesting “things”….next thing I know I wake up to find myself surrounded by nine empty ravioli cans, a lit blowtorch, and these two weirdo dudes staring at my left shoulder…



View attachment 91865

“Sweet tattoo dude!!!”

…is what I remember hearing from these mutants, as I desperately wanted to have BoBo’s mom show up with some WaffleHouse takeout….



These degen-morons were claiming to be “super-skilled sound tech’s”, and were willing to work for some smokes, and Old Dutch Dressed chips…They called themselves “Rory and Taylor”….



View attachment 91864

…but they came as a “package deal”…. I had other ideas…

I remembered that we had already picked up some smelly caveman dude recently, and he was good for attracting the attention of Sasquatches within a 5 kilometer radius…apparently he smells like a female….”in season”. Oh, and he’s actually quite strong…can move a lot of gear, and works for those cheap hotdogs….quite a bargain, even if we have to hose him down in his cage on the roof of the van every night….so we can get some sleep.



So I sent “Dumby and Kerphuckio” off to the Iced Sloth crew. They would take these mutant aliens on….

An excellent submission

 

[Mitch Pearrow SJMP]

The band was starting to really gel. We were in desperate need of new transport, however, plus a record contract.
Lo and behold at one of our shows this record exec from Legit Rekkerds shows up. He hit us up after the show.
His name was Buster Hymen.

We signed a contract cause we needed money.
A few sore points tho.
1 - He was to take 80% of the take of everything and we paid 100% of the bills.
2 - We had to record all songs while naked. Not sure why.... certainly not for blackmail, we didn't think.
3- Tours included no booze, that was up to us, but gallons of chocolate milk.
Something wrong with that guy...

However, we got a $50k advance!! Yay!! SO we got a new van, the Shaggin Wagon.

We also spent $10k of our own money ( we found out later) on a massive party. Beer flowed from the second floor down to the first via hose.
Women were everywhere!
Someone set off fireworks in the venue.
There was pee on the floor....
can't remember much else.
Awoke with a pair of cheetah undies on and nothing else. Someone drew a dick on my face....
Wasn't getting that for a tat so settled for this.

At the party was a tech/ roadie guy. We sure didn't want him but figured the local band Fiveskin could use a good dude like this.

I wish them luck....

Great job, love the story

 

[Mitch Pearrow SJMP]

Our buddy bones mentioned last rehearsal that he had been talking to a buddy of his. Said he worked in this promoting agency down on Pipe St. TThe agency's name was
Lagit Rekkerds in the slum part of town. Garbage covered the streets consisting of needles and tinfoil. We wwalking in and there's people passed out on the floor beer bottles everywhere. Bones takes us trough this mess and myself and I'm sure the band are thinking WTF. We go through this door down across from the bathroom and bones walks up to this creepy looking dude and said this is Charlie our new associate. I take a good look at him and think this guy is crazy. We get talking to him for a few minutes about terms and money and Charlie says. I notice that you gear and transportation are pretty run down and Lagit Rekkerds would like to front you $50,000 to get you back in tip top shape. I'm thinking ya right then he pulls out a safe box and starts counting $100 bills. That's when I notice there's $10,000 bill wraps on them and he hands us 5 of them.


View attachment 91829

The freaky terms we discussed
1
Is we had to let our packages swing/flop freely without complaints.
2
If we needed a place to crash from parting we were welcom to. BUT everyone could take a go.
3
What happens in Lagit Rekkerds stays in Lagit Rekkerds no questions asked

We took the $50,000 and started with transportation we needed a van and not just any van. We found this sharp looking VW bus and just had to have it. All the bells and whistles you could imagine, even had swamp coolers for the windows not shown in pic.

View attachment 91830

So one day the band was hanging out and there was this horrific smell coming from the bush. We all go walking down thinking we'd find a body but nothing. That's when we herd some groves come from this little cave, man the sound quality was perfect. We began to climb down in and were run out by this hairy almost naked dude. So we thought maybe we could use a raw chicken to lure. He came out and man he was hard to catch stronger than an OX. After getting him under control I think man Squancher could really use this guy for a roadie/sound guy. I contact Sqauncher and tell him I'll send over someone to help on tour and Squancher accepted the offer. Come to find out this burley bastards name was Samaqanch.

View attachment 91831

So then we were told we had to through a party with $10,000 of the money we were fronted. It was a hell of a party all the drugs and alcohol you could consume. It went a little like this

Then there was the part of getting a tattoo. Never got one before so it needed to feel like it had a meaning to the life style live hard and die harder. This is what I chose.

View attachment 91832

Dick Burns

Loved it

 

[Mitch Pearrow SJMP]

At our last show, we were approached by a talent scout for Legit Rekkerds. HE wanted up to speak with his boss. The next day we went to this warehouse, and met with Sleazy Martini. He gave us the creeps. As he talked at us, not with us, he started flashing piles of money trying to impress us.

As we were trying to come to terms, we had a few demands such as
1. A minimum of two interpretive dancers on stage at all times, and on the payroll.
2. A liquid light show.
3. No solid state backline amps.

His weird rules included:
1. No drugs or hard liquor (Said nothing about mushrooms or weed).
2. Had to have a healthy diet on the rider.
3. Stage make had to not be tested on animals.

View attachment 91855





After we got stuff sorted, and some money in the bank account, we bought a new van. It has some oomph to the engine, so pulling a trialer should not be a problem.




View attachment 91856



To celebrate, decided to throw a bash. Bobbie and Giselle invited some friends. Unfortunately, they each told two friends, and they told, and so on, and on.... until it got way out of hand. We tried out the new light show, and some of the body paint.


View attachment 91857



I don't know who invited the very annoying creepy guy that kept saying he was the best sound man in town. Never heard of him, nor any of the bands he supposedly worked with. Finally, I decided that Whore Mouth could probably use a Fluffer, and gave him Sexxx Tank's phone number and address. Told him to hurry before they head off on tour.



View attachment 91858





Speaking of the light show and body paint, and other stuff going on the bash, Mr. Martini hired a tattooist to sling ink at the party. I woke up the next day with some really bad ink, and wished it was body paint. I don't know how it got there. I do not remember that part of the party at all.




View attachment 91859

Great work, loved the early Econoline

 

[TVvoodoo]

Alright looking ok gents, but a few problems...

Both Mc Meister and Thunder sent Brutal Sex roadies. WTF? Barbarian Bob is gonna be sitting pretty!
And if you ask him, he's so strong and virile, he don't even need one roadie!

Also, why did Wolfgang send a roadie to Whoremouth? To help him with the festival sanitation scene? Huh?

As a result looks like Bad Axis and Danger Us won't get roadies, so that's kind of too bad. Lotta work ahead for those guys.
You can count on them to pay you back somehow later on for not sending along anyone to help them
due to reading comprehension issues.

One other thing. Seems like some of you guys have got a hold some real bad dope and entered some kind of topsy-turvy
alternate universe where artists get to make terms demands of the label in a "please rescue us" record contract.

You guys are good, but not THAT good. Understand this is going to come back to bite you.
Probably in Chapter 14... yep... sure as shootin'

OK all nine competitors are fully in. @Headache no need to delay judging for tomorrow's deadline.
Anytime you can get to it is ok by me, and probably the rest of the crew too.
If you could give me a bit of advance warning via PM on when it will come down that would be cool!

Good Luck Gentleman and all Game of Toanz competitors!

 

[mcblink]

That was great…. …why does it feel like I have been to a party like that??

I think (I hope) we've all be to that party lolol..

Don't make me tell the story about the time I made a bunch of gangbangers finish up the last of the stripper's freebase lol

 

[mcblink]

Alright looking ok gents, but a few problems...

Both Mc Blink and Thunder sent Brutal Sex roadies. WTF? Barbarian Bob is gonna be sitting pretty!
And if you ask him, he's so strong and virile, he don't even need one roadie!

Also, why did Wolfgang send a roadie to Whoremouth? To help him with the festival sanitation scene? Huh?

As a result looks like Bad Axis and Danger Us won't get roadies, so that's kind of too bad. Lotta work ahead for those guys.
You can count on them to pay you back somehow later on for not sending along anyone to help them
due to reading comprehension issues.

One other thing. Seems like some of you guys have got a hold some real bad dope and entered some kind of topsy-turvy
alternate universe where artists get to make terms demands of the label in a "please rescue us" record contract.

You guys are good, but not THAT good. Understand this is going to come back to bite you.
Probably in Chapter 14... yep... sure as shootin'

OK all nine competitors are fully in. @Headache no need to delay judging for tomorrow's deadline.
Anytime you can get to it is ok by me, and probably the rest of the crew too.
If you could give me a bit of advance warning via PM on when it will come down that would be cool!

Good Luck Gentleman and all Game of Toanz competitors!

mcblink sent Wolfgang Eisenfick RubyRhod Gobbler.

I'm sure you meant [McMeisterMetal]

 

[TVvoodoo]

@mcblink corrected! What are you, some kind of lawyer?
For the record Mc Meister did no wrong, he was in first

 

[SG John]

Alright looking ok gents, but a few problems...

Both Mc Meister and Thunder sent Brutal Sex roadies. WTF? Barbarian Bob is gonna be sitting pretty!
And if you ask him, he's so strong and virile, he don't even need one roadie!

Also, why did Wolfgang send a roadie to Whoremouth? To help him with the festival sanitation scene? Huh?

As a result looks like Bad Axis and Danger Us won't get roadies, so that's kind of too bad. Lotta work ahead for those guys.
You can count on them to pay you back somehow later on for not sending along anyone to help them
due to reading comprehension issues.

One other thing. Seems like some of you guys have got a hold some real bad dope and entered some kind of topsy-turvy
alternate universe where artists get to make terms demands of the label in a "please rescue us" record contract.

You guys are good, but not THAT good. Understand this is going to come back to bite you.
Probably in Chapter 14... yep... sure as shootin'

OK all nine competitors are fully in. @Headache no need to delay judging for tomorrow's deadline.
Anytime you can get to it is ok by me, and probably the rest of the crew too.
If you could give me a bit of advance warning via PM on when it will come down that would be cool!

Good Luck Gentleman and all Game of Toanz competitors!

Crap! I forgot to write on my cheat-sheet list that he was out.

 

[Jethro Rocker]

Crap! I forgot to write on my cheat-sheet list that he was out.


View attachment 91868

I hadda look carefully. Plus after I hit Post Reply, there was another in before me! Yours? So I lucked out mine didn't double up.

 

[mcblink]

@mcblink corrected! What are you, some kind of lawyer?
For the record Mc Meister did no wrong, he was in first

Nope, no wrong implied upon another participant, just pre emptively attempting to keep the record straight.

mcblink is not in any way, shape or form is affiliated with any groups opposed to Brutal Sex. FiveSkin wishes nothing but the most pleasureable beatdown to everyone in the scene.

 

[Jethro Rocker]

Danger Us won't get roadies

In the real world, wish I did have roadies. Very bad "tennis (guitar) elbow" in left right now. Playing a one set fun show next week at my bro's school. Will take it easy on the elbow and very little to haul in thankfully. Could barely pick up a mug o beer with left arm.

 

[LRT]

GOT 13…



Spilling out of the service entrance, from our most recent show, we find ourselves face to face with a rep from “Legit Rekkerds”, and his….ummmmm…assistant….

View attachment 91866

He said his name was “Nathaniel Puckerpill”. He and his muffin-haired Princess Puckerpill(for lack of an actual name) were there to make us an offer that would “change the landscape of Stonerdom”…He wanted us to sign with “Legit Rekkerds”. A sweet sounding(of course) deal, that involved some upgrades to gear and travel arrangements. It all sounded great…cash was “key”….

…But there were some really weird stipulations upon the reading of the contract.

1. We (Squatcher) are allowed the food catering of our choice, at no expense to us, at every gig…with one exception….there was to be “no chicken vindaloo” to be served or consumed. They cited some sort of “spiritual objection”.
2. We (Squatcher) are allowed any beer we request to be served to us, at no expense to us, at any time…day or night…with one exception… There will be no “Foster’s Lager” served to, or consumed by, any core band members. Again, some sort of “spiritual objection”.
3. We (Squatcher) agree to publicly donate $1.00 to the “DAMM (Drunks Against Mad Mothers)” charity….some sort “spiritual quest” cited.

We all agreed, and signed on the dotted lines….



Legit Rekkerds coughed up a solid $50k advance, and suggested that we “upgrade our transportation to a more robust level. So we found an apocalypse Volvo C313….it’s frikken sweet!!!

View attachment 91867

Oh yeah!!! It even has a place to stash my machete! Diggin it! It’s a bit like The Squalid Peach, in that it is muuuuuuch nicer on the inside! And no worries about the paint.(except the logo, of course)



Legit Rekkerds even helped out with our $10k celebration! They provided some famous tattoo artist for the night. We all tossed back more than one of Cliff’s test tubes, and things got a bit fuzzy….I remember Veronica, Giselle, Whatshername, and BoBo’s hot mom requesting “things”….next thing I know I wake up to find myself surrounded by nine empty ravioli cans, a lit blowtorch, and these two weirdo dudes staring at my left shoulder…



View attachment 91865

“Sweet tattoo dude!!!”

…is what I remember hearing from these mutants, as I desperately wanted to have BoBo’s mom show up with some WaffleHouse takeout….



These degen-morons were claiming to be “super-skilled sound tech’s”, and were willing to work for some smokes, and Old Dutch Dressed chips…They called themselves “Rory and Taylor”….



View attachment 91864

…but they came as a “package deal”…. I had other ideas…

I remembered that we had already picked up some smelly caveman dude recently, and he was good for attracting the attention of Sasquatches within a 5 kilometer radius…apparently he smells like a female….”in season”. Oh, and he’s actually quite strong…can move a lot of gear, and works for those cheap hotdogs….quite a bargain, even if we have to hose him down in his cage on the roof of the van every night….so we can get some sleep.



So I sent “Dumby and Kerphuckio” off to the Iced Sloth crew. They would take these mutant

I need some smokes Taylor
NOW

 

[Headache]

Ok peeps, s about to get real!
SeXXX TaNK is about to slap you all with some harsh reality. I won't sugarcoat it either.

Here are my notes after reviewing all of the input:

In order of completion.

Mitch -
Points awarded for:
1st one done by a long shot.
No booze or drugs onstage or in the studio, congrats, this band may actually last a while!
Sleek no nonsense van.

Liveevile-
Points awarded for the A-Team Van, we all know it's tough enough.
Very cool tat. 2ND BEST TAT AWARD
Points deducted for setting for "willing" females...and not adding the word good looking to your contractual stipulations...that's going to crush your libido, and possibly your spleen when 6 super fatties get to rocking your van and cause the thing to crash on the freeway.

4406pack-
Points awarded for:
Ben Dover ....legendary name.
Sending that freakazoid to the BrutalSlacks camp is absolutely hilarious! Extra credit for the look on their faces when he shows up!
Points deducted for the lame van

LRT-
Points awarded for:
Samsquatch!! I freaking loved that!
Steel Panther should be everywhere, all the time, those guys just plain get it.
Points deducted for:
That van won't get over a speed bump, have fun playing in the street out front of the venue!

McBlink-
Points awarded for:
Very well written, my good man.
That freaking Van is absolutely what I would choose (except in camo of course)...(and with a Ma-Duece mounted on top)....anyhow, Hell Ya to the van!
BEST VAN AWARD!
Ruby Rhod Gobbler ..... That annoyance is so unforgettable. Kudos for that strategic move!

SG John-
Points awarded for:
Being a Tune snob yes! Extra credit for that! Mmm hmmm.
Thanks for sending me the fluffer. Being out on tour with my real life band I may need a little of that.
Points deducted for:
Not knowing that weed is drugs....
Not knowing that I was voted off the island....
The Ugliest tattoo.

Jethro -
Points awarded for:
Buster Hymen.... Literally the best name ever!
BEST NAME AWARD right here!
Most realistic contractual events.
No booze and tons of Chocolate milk is how I live my life. Kudos!
Real Sexxxxy van right there. Small, but Sexxxxy.
BEST TATTOO AWARD.

Don that Bastard-
Points awarded for:
No chicken Vindaloo.... No Fosters lager....
Plus the only charity mentioned this far.
Amazing van! Amazing.


GREAT EFFORTS gentleman... I have no idea how in the hell nobody chose this DIO tattoo:


Thank you for the opportunity to grade your efforts.

-The winner of this stage is Jethro Rocker for just crushing it! You get the full drop B open chord!
chug chugga chug chug braaaaahhhh!

Honorable mention (or a second immunity if it was up to me) would go to Mitch for having such a level headed approach to what it takes to make it as a band. Kudos brother I would rock out with you anytime!

Long live rock and roll!

I leave you all with a spring break picture of myself at my best friends pool party, when I was 19.

I had just finished recording my second song ever ... and after finishing my first whole 750 of Captain Morgan's and rocking/rolling this little blonde honey named Kristi in my best friends little sisters room... . . . A big memory for me feeling a little like a rock star that night.



SeXXX TaNK out!

 

[LiveeviL2000]

Points deducted for setting for "willing" females...and not adding the word good looking to your contractual stipulations...that's going to crush your libido, and possibly your spleen when 6 super fatties get to rocking your van and cause the thing to crash on the freeway.

Yeah, but the fatties do more stuff!!