Col Mustard
Ambassador of Perseverance
So: y'all can make all the dust buster jokes you want. I still believe that the best vehicle
for the gigging musician is the Mini Van.
Let's face it: Some of us are good at compromises, and some of us ARE NOT.
Which do you think lives longer? ...good question eh? gotcha thinking?
I nominate the much maligned Mini Van as the musician's vehicle of choice.
I do this from years of experience. I'm a Mini-Van jockey from way back.
I'm a Chrysler Mini Van guy. Here's why:
My first Mini Van was a '73 VW Micro bus. The cool factor was way up there
but the practicality quotient was abysmal. Ever since I was a pimply faced teenie bopper,
I wanted a VW van, with a bumper sticker that said:
"IF THE VAN IS ROCKIN,
DON'T COME KNOCKIN'"
If I couldn't get one of those, I wanted a Chevy Van with a 350 C.I. 8 cyl engine, which
would cost more to run but be sooooooo cooooooooll..... *laughs I never bought the High
Performance Chevy. And the VW did good service for about six years before coming to a
bad end.
What I ended up with in like 1985, was a Dodge Caravan, one of the early models based on
the proven X-Car chassis. My first one cost me $10,000... which I thought was an outrageous
amount of money. But I bought one because the mini-van concept seem so precisely right for
a traveling musician. And so it proved to be. That baby did almost all of what I asked her to do.
I bought the "economy" model with the Chrysler slant-four engine mounted crosswise to the
axle. She got 20+ miles to the gallon, (8.5 Kilometers per Liter) but was woefully under-powered.
What I wanted in those days was a compromise between hauling capability and fuel economy
And I got it. The 1985 Dodge Caravan carried all of Mustard's Retreat's gear, plus allowing Davie
or me to sleep on one of the seats in the back. So we could cover a lot of ground with that vehicle.
We travel best at night... we take turns sleeping, like sailors doing "Watch and Watch" but we can
actually relax and stretch out and really sleep. At night we blow right through construction sites and cities which would back us up for miles during the day.
Davie and I have an agreement... like blood brothers:
DON'T DRIVE SLEEPY! When you begin to feel sleepy, get off the road and wake me up.
Don't try and be a hero. Just wake me up, and I'll drive while you rest. THIS WORKS!
...then you can drive while I rest, god dammit. Let's get to the venue safe.
Anyway, that first "85 Dodge Caravan that I bought gave great service for seven years.
When I sold it, it had 177,000 miles on it. The buyer gave me a thousand dollars for it, and drove it
away. That says worlds. So I bought another one.
My next minivan was a 1993 Dodge Caravan. This one went 200,000 miles over a period of about
seven years. I got a bigger engine this time... a Mitsubishi V-6 which cured the under-powered
problems that my old '85 had, without costing too much more in fuel. This one gave me another
seven years of great service, minimal maintenance and impressive hauling power.
My next minivan was a 2001 Chrysler minivan. This one brings tears to my eyes because
I describe it as the best vehicle I've ever owned or driven. I was known to boast:
"I can strap that van to my back and drive all the way to Minneapolis, or drive all the way
to Boston... with no problems!" She was comfortable, and powerful with her Mitsubishi 3.5 Liter engine
and her whole engine/drive train setup seemed very well designed and executed. For this one,
I built a bed frame out of 2x4 lumber and measured it to fit the cargo space... so either Davie or I
could lie back there comfortable, with important gear under the bed frame, and guitars to the side.
Here's what she looked like from the other end, the flight deck...
That was my 2001... I loved that minivan... I bought her new in like 2000, and ordered all of what
I thought was important, and declined all the bling and decorations I thought were unimportant... so
I ordered my dream van. I sold my old '93 workhorse (for $1000), and walked for more than a month until the van that I ordered was built, and shipped, and prepped, and I walked over to the dealership, and took possession of my beauty, and drove her away. She went 350,000 miles with very little trouble. Of course that's because I took very good care of her and repaired or replaced whatever wore out.
But 350,000 miles cannot be argued with. This 2001 Chrysler minivan was the best car of any kind that
I have ever driven. Personally, I regard 350,000 miles as High Performance. Others may measure high
performance in terms of acceleration, or endurance over a 500 mile race, like Indianapolis...
But not me. I measure High Performance in terms of day to day dependability, and the comfort of
the seats on a long voyage (meaning +2000 miles or +3200 km), and the cubic capacity of the cargo area, and
the brakes, and the power steering, and the miles per gallon or KM per Liter. This vehicle averaged
about 25 MPG or 10.5 KM per liter. Hard to beat... especially considering how much she could carry.
My next Minivan was a 2008 Dodge Caravan. In 2000 we were just coming off eight years of prosperity
under the Clinton administration. But by 2008 we had had eight years of unnecessary war, corruption and
simple robbery, and the economy had tanked. No one was happy, except a few insiders maybe.
I had optimistically ordered my dream van in 2000, and drove her happily until she was really worn out.
There isn't much cure for 350,000 miles, because the cure would cost the same as a replacement vehicle.
So that's what I looked for. I found a used 2008 van in 2009, and decided that I'd better buy this
and let my beloved 2001 van go. Then a deer ran into the side of me, and that was "cumulative damage..." I talked to my insurance company: They said that damage from hitting a deer was covered.
I asked if they would just give me a check for what was covered so I could buy a newer van. They said
Okay as long as I removed the old van from my insurance coverage.
So that's what I did. I went to
the car dealership, and asked if they'd give me a thousand dollars off a used van if I traded in my dented
2001. They wanted to make the sale (in 2009) and gave me the thousand. So it seems like I sold my
2001 van twice. A deal not to be resisted. But she was worth it. The week before the deer collision,
she had completed a voyage of more than 1000 miles (1600 km)... with no problems.
What I ended up with was a used 2008 Dodge Caravan... with 50,000 miles on it. I was a little
apprehensive about it, wondering if I was buying someone else's problems. But that turned out to
be not true. The 2008 has turned out to be a great vehicle... and here it is 2017 and I'm still running
that fine van. My previous three minivans had been bought new, which goes to illustrate the economic
thought of the times. The economic thought of 2009 was "Hold on... maybe things will get better..."
Which they did. And that 2008 Dodge Caravan had given good service to this date in two thousand
effing seventeen. Really hard to beat. I named her Ursula, after the Great Bear of the North. Her mileage today reads 281,249 miles. And that says worlds.
So.... I have to tell you that my minivan experience has been great, and I wouldn't trust my
career (if any) to any other type of transportation. The minivan has gotten me and my podner
to the right place... in the dark... in the rain... (with the help of GPS) and at the right time,
with very few problems. This one has the wooden bed built into the starboard side, and
can carry both of us and our instruments and all of our P.A. equipment (if needed) and my
bass amp and stage clothes etc etc etc...
If you've never travelled in a mini van, I recommend it. The only drawback is"
there isn't much room for groupies.
for the gigging musician is the Mini Van.
Let's face it: Some of us are good at compromises, and some of us ARE NOT.
Which do you think lives longer? ...good question eh? gotcha thinking?
I nominate the much maligned Mini Van as the musician's vehicle of choice.
I do this from years of experience. I'm a Mini-Van jockey from way back.
I'm a Chrysler Mini Van guy. Here's why:
My first Mini Van was a '73 VW Micro bus. The cool factor was way up there
but the practicality quotient was abysmal. Ever since I was a pimply faced teenie bopper,
I wanted a VW van, with a bumper sticker that said:
"IF THE VAN IS ROCKIN,
DON'T COME KNOCKIN'"
If I couldn't get one of those, I wanted a Chevy Van with a 350 C.I. 8 cyl engine, which
would cost more to run but be sooooooo cooooooooll..... *laughs I never bought the High
Performance Chevy. And the VW did good service for about six years before coming to a
bad end.
What I ended up with in like 1985, was a Dodge Caravan, one of the early models based on
the proven X-Car chassis. My first one cost me $10,000... which I thought was an outrageous
amount of money. But I bought one because the mini-van concept seem so precisely right for
a traveling musician. And so it proved to be. That baby did almost all of what I asked her to do.
I bought the "economy" model with the Chrysler slant-four engine mounted crosswise to the
axle. She got 20+ miles to the gallon, (8.5 Kilometers per Liter) but was woefully under-powered.
What I wanted in those days was a compromise between hauling capability and fuel economy
And I got it. The 1985 Dodge Caravan carried all of Mustard's Retreat's gear, plus allowing Davie
or me to sleep on one of the seats in the back. So we could cover a lot of ground with that vehicle.
We travel best at night... we take turns sleeping, like sailors doing "Watch and Watch" but we can
actually relax and stretch out and really sleep. At night we blow right through construction sites and cities which would back us up for miles during the day.
Davie and I have an agreement... like blood brothers:
DON'T DRIVE SLEEPY! When you begin to feel sleepy, get off the road and wake me up.
Don't try and be a hero. Just wake me up, and I'll drive while you rest. THIS WORKS!
...then you can drive while I rest, god dammit. Let's get to the venue safe.
Anyway, that first "85 Dodge Caravan that I bought gave great service for seven years.
When I sold it, it had 177,000 miles on it. The buyer gave me a thousand dollars for it, and drove it
away. That says worlds. So I bought another one.
My next minivan was a 1993 Dodge Caravan. This one went 200,000 miles over a period of about
seven years. I got a bigger engine this time... a Mitsubishi V-6 which cured the under-powered
problems that my old '85 had, without costing too much more in fuel. This one gave me another
seven years of great service, minimal maintenance and impressive hauling power.
My next minivan was a 2001 Chrysler minivan. This one brings tears to my eyes because
I describe it as the best vehicle I've ever owned or driven. I was known to boast:
"I can strap that van to my back and drive all the way to Minneapolis, or drive all the way
to Boston... with no problems!" She was comfortable, and powerful with her Mitsubishi 3.5 Liter engine
and her whole engine/drive train setup seemed very well designed and executed. For this one,
I built a bed frame out of 2x4 lumber and measured it to fit the cargo space... so either Davie or I
could lie back there comfortable, with important gear under the bed frame, and guitars to the side.
Here's what she looked like from the other end, the flight deck...
That was my 2001... I loved that minivan... I bought her new in like 2000, and ordered all of what
I thought was important, and declined all the bling and decorations I thought were unimportant... so
I ordered my dream van. I sold my old '93 workhorse (for $1000), and walked for more than a month until the van that I ordered was built, and shipped, and prepped, and I walked over to the dealership, and took possession of my beauty, and drove her away. She went 350,000 miles with very little trouble. Of course that's because I took very good care of her and repaired or replaced whatever wore out.
But 350,000 miles cannot be argued with. This 2001 Chrysler minivan was the best car of any kind that
I have ever driven. Personally, I regard 350,000 miles as High Performance. Others may measure high
performance in terms of acceleration, or endurance over a 500 mile race, like Indianapolis...
But not me. I measure High Performance in terms of day to day dependability, and the comfort of
the seats on a long voyage (meaning +2000 miles or +3200 km), and the cubic capacity of the cargo area, and
the brakes, and the power steering, and the miles per gallon or KM per Liter. This vehicle averaged
about 25 MPG or 10.5 KM per liter. Hard to beat... especially considering how much she could carry.
My next Minivan was a 2008 Dodge Caravan. In 2000 we were just coming off eight years of prosperity
under the Clinton administration. But by 2008 we had had eight years of unnecessary war, corruption and
simple robbery, and the economy had tanked. No one was happy, except a few insiders maybe.
I had optimistically ordered my dream van in 2000, and drove her happily until she was really worn out.
There isn't much cure for 350,000 miles, because the cure would cost the same as a replacement vehicle.
So that's what I looked for. I found a used 2008 van in 2009, and decided that I'd better buy this
and let my beloved 2001 van go. Then a deer ran into the side of me, and that was "cumulative damage..." I talked to my insurance company: They said that damage from hitting a deer was covered.
I asked if they would just give me a check for what was covered so I could buy a newer van. They said
Okay as long as I removed the old van from my insurance coverage.
So that's what I did. I went to
the car dealership, and asked if they'd give me a thousand dollars off a used van if I traded in my dented
2001. They wanted to make the sale (in 2009) and gave me the thousand. So it seems like I sold my
2001 van twice. A deal not to be resisted. But she was worth it. The week before the deer collision,
she had completed a voyage of more than 1000 miles (1600 km)... with no problems.
What I ended up with was a used 2008 Dodge Caravan... with 50,000 miles on it. I was a little
apprehensive about it, wondering if I was buying someone else's problems. But that turned out to
be not true. The 2008 has turned out to be a great vehicle... and here it is 2017 and I'm still running
that fine van. My previous three minivans had been bought new, which goes to illustrate the economic
thought of the times. The economic thought of 2009 was "Hold on... maybe things will get better..."
Which they did. And that 2008 Dodge Caravan had given good service to this date in two thousand
effing seventeen. Really hard to beat. I named her Ursula, after the Great Bear of the North. Her mileage today reads 281,249 miles. And that says worlds.
So.... I have to tell you that my minivan experience has been great, and I wouldn't trust my
career (if any) to any other type of transportation. The minivan has gotten me and my podner
to the right place... in the dark... in the rain... (with the help of GPS) and at the right time,
with very few problems. This one has the wooden bed built into the starboard side, and
can carry both of us and our instruments and all of our P.A. equipment (if needed) and my
bass amp and stage clothes etc etc etc...
If you've never travelled in a mini van, I recommend it. The only drawback is"
there isn't much room for groupies.
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