Here's to a better 2019...

Gahr

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I love this forum, the way people act here, the room for differences in taste and opinion, the wealth of information that people willingly share and the helpfulness everybody shows. People are very supportive, and although most of us have never met (and probably never will), I think of many of the members here as my friends. In short, The Tone Rooms is my "happy place". And I have needed a happy place this past year.

I haven't talked about this before, simply because I wanted the forum to be the place where I could enter and leave all my troubles outside the door. But I guess the end of the year is the time for "summing up" and hopefully somehow starting over and making things better.

So, what has happened?

Well, here we go:

2018 has quite simply been the worst year of my life. Some of you might remember that I wrote about my wife having some problems back in late February/early March. She suddenly lost all strength in her right leg and was in severe pain. She was sent to hospital, and while the pain receded slightly after a little while, it turned out to be just the start of something worse.

At first, the doctors thought the problem was "only" neurological. CT scans revealed several tumors on various peripheral nerves along her spine. The largest one was located in the pelvic area and was the one causing most of her problems. The doctors were quite puzzled as to what her diagnosis really was, since her symptoms didn't fit anything they had seen before. After a while they landed on something called Schwannomatosis, a disease which is very rare. It is also a hereditary disease, and we were told our kids had a 50 % chance of inheriting it from her. This hit us REALLY hard. One thing is her having problems, our kids ending up the same way is a whole different ball game...

However, the doctors were not satisfied with this disease being the only thing causing her problems. The tumors were pretty atypic, and biopsies left them even more puzzled. They had some samples sent to a guy in Boston, and the conclusion was that she had cancer as well. Further test showed cancerous growth in three of the tumors. She also underwent several genetic tests to try to establish wether our kids were in danger of inheriting the problems.

She started getting chemo therapy in early June, and have had eight one-week long treatments since, doing one week of chemo, two weeks off. After her last round of chemo, she started radiation treatment. She is still doing radiation, but her last treatment will be Jan. 3.

Naturally, all of this has hit the whole family really hard. She is not able to walk without crutches, and there is very little chance of her getting any better in that regard, really. The kids have been fantastic, but the 11-year-old has taken the whole thing pretty hard, naturally. I have been so knackered by the whole thing, especially earlier in the year, that I have had periods where I have not been able to work because of exhaustion.

Since she has not been able to work, her income has been cut beck quite a bit, and to top it all off, two days ago I got a message from the hope brew store company through which I have been selling beer kits with my name on it, that they would no longer pay me any royalties. This means my income will be cut back quite a bit as well this coming year. We will manage, but it sucks. I have asked for a raise at work earlier this year (haven't had one in my five years of working at the brewery), but so far nothing has happened...

My own physical health problems (bursitis in the spring, severely sprained ankle this fall, still not healed) are mere trifles compared to what my wife has been going through, but her illness affects all of us. Thankfully we have s handful of supportive friends and families that care about us.

Although the year has been utter crap all in all, on the positive side we have this:

The results of her genetic tests show that the chance of her passing the Schwannomatosis on to the boys is very, small. The disorder is caused by mutations in two genes, and they have not been able to find any of those mutations in her blood. Hence, her form of the mutation is what is called a mosaic, meaning that it has happened spontaneously at an early stage of her embryonic development, in specific places in her body, but not in all cells. Since we never knew for sure that the kids could inherit it, we have never told them about it. Now it turns out we don't have to anyway. When we learned this in October, I'm not ashamed to say I cried from relief.

She has not had her final tests yet (the treatment not being finished), but already after the fourth round of chemo the tests showed that the active cancer was minimal. And it had not spread to any other places than the three original cancerous tumors. The chemo had had a very positive effect on the tumors (which originally were benign) themselves as well. The smaller ones were hardly visible anymore. However, the largest one had not been affected as much as they hoped for. Because of its location, the can't operate without running the risk of damaging her nerves, something which will lead to her losing both legs, instead of leaving her "only" with one useless limb. Further tests will be run in late February, and then it will be decided whether or not they will risk an operation. If the tumor has been reduced sufficiently, they might be able to operate safely.

But it seems the active cancer has been beat, at least. She will most likely never walk without help again, but she's alive and is not confined to a wheelchair. The economic side of things suck, but those are completely secondary problems.

Whew! That was that. Sorry for venting, guys. I don't want pity, but it feels nice to get things out every once in a while.
 
VENT all you want Good Sir!

I am very sorry to hear of this -I knew of there being some issues but did not grasp the severity--- its one thing to deal with our own medical problems but when a spouse or child is hurting it is (IMHO) harder --emotionally-- to deal with --
Good Vibes and prayers your way for a MUCH better 2019 and a for much better health -- and wealth to you I wish. :cheers:

I too had some hurdles to overcome in 2018 as well and would agree ---- as a whole the year SUCKED wombat scrotum---and I am glad to see it going away---
 
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Wow Gahr. That is a load of heavy news. I don’t know what to say, other than I hope that the best case scenario is exceeded. Thank you for sharing, and providing some perspective. I admire your outlook as least as much as the writing, music, and photography you’ve shared with us. I sincerely wish you and your family well.
 
I am so sorry you, your wife and the whole family have to suffer this hardship. I am glad that there is some positive news for her and I send positive thoughts that the good news will keep coming. I am glad you shared, because it is an honor to do what little we can from where we sit. You are a good man Gahr, and deserve the best.

Please keep us updated. I do not want to pry, but this will certainly be on my mind. As always, if there is anything I can do, you only need to ask.
 
Gahr, I agree with our brothers here in wishing you and your family a miracle of a turn around and victory over the cancer, financial burdens and your own injuries/ aches n pains. I actually think I gave myself a bursitis too. Wound up with a sore puffy elbow.

Peace, rest and recuperation to you from all the weight a situation like this can load upon your shoulders. Sure hope work hooks you up with that raise.
 
Wow, wow, wow. That's a heavy load and you're doing incredibly well under the circumstances. Tough fellow you are indeed.

Two uncles and our steel guitarist passed away within the past 60 days. It has impressed upon me how fragile life really is.

I believe in miracles. I'm asking for one for your family. Maybe I am fool, but I believe in positive thinking, positive energy and prayer.

May blessings, peace and prosperity be upon you and your family today and always my friend....
 
Gahr, I'm so sorry to read about these difficult times in your life. Just know that we are here to support you!
I'm sure my time is coming, too. My wife had cancerous growths removed from her leg a few months ago, but
fortunately, it did not require chemo or radiation.
 
Gahr,

Whenever I read posts like this I tend to hold off on responding until I’ve thought about it a bit.

Honestly, there are no simple answers to things like this.

However, don’t feel reluctant to let us know what’s going on.

Whereas none of us can be there to put an arm on your shoulder, be assured we all do care.
 
I thought I'd follow up on this one a bit.

Last Last Thursday we finally got the message we were waiting for from the doctors:

My wife is officially CANCER FREE!

The way her treatment was going, we kind of knew this would be the result, but things have just been so damn hard, we didn't dare to hope for too much. But the doctor responsible for her treatment at the hospital is very happy with how she has responded to the treatment. They found cancer in three tumors, two in her back, one in the pelvic area. All the occurrences were in tumors in peripheral nerve sheaths. These tumors suggest an underlying disease, most likely schwannomatosis, but they are not really sure. The tumors were originally benign, but had developed cancer. She's probably had them since childhood. Now, they can see that the two tumors in her back are gone, but the one in the pelvic area, the largest one, is still there. It has shrunk a little bit and is more defined than it used to be, but most importantly, it is not cancerous anymore.

Because of where the tumor sits and how close it is to lots of nerves, they can't operate on it. This means it will most likely always be there. She will be scanned four times a year for the next few years, in order to monitor any developments and to detect any new cancerous growth early. This is both a scary thought and a great comfort. The tumor makes her unable to walk on her right leg, and she needs crutches to move around. The neurologists at the hospital will be working with her and we are hoping that she will be able to get some strength back, but it is unlikely that there will be major improvements. But she is in a place where any small improvement could make day to day life easier, so we are keeping our fingers crossed without hoping for too much.

She will go back to work, probably just a day or half a day a week in the beginning, at the start of next month. This will be a major step forward. For about a month after her last treatment ended she needed so sleep for several hours every day. Now she gets through her daily routines without needing much rest. She will need to take it slowly, but the aim is to be able to work full time again.

Personally, I'm still not working full time either, because of the foot. I currently work two days a week, but I'm determined to get back full time in not too long. I am no longer able to run or jump around much, but the foot is a lot more stable and I can move the ankle a lot more than just a few weeks back. The "drills" the physiotherapist gave mer are working. The biggest problem now is simply pain. After a day of working on my feet (I clean the brewhouse on Mondays) I basically need to rest it for the rest of the day when I come home. But this is slowly getting better as well. I have quit painkillers, and the doctor told me there is really no real danger of damaging the foot with too much work as long as I'm a bit careful. Still don't know if I'll be able to work exactly like I used to, but at least I'm determined to give it a shot.

So, all in all things are looking a lot more up than they were a few months ago. Even the sun is shining today. We had snowfall again yesterday, but spring is definitely coming. The rest of the family is sleeping, but I'm up drinking hot tea and enjoying the peace and quiet in my rather untidy living room. Life is tough at times, but there usually are simple things to be enjoyed everywhere, as long as you are willing to see them.
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