Goldmember's Golden Beans

[Goldmember]

GOLDMEMBER'S GOLDEN BEANS

1 kilo rinsed pinto beans
1 ml fresh Dutch butter (you can substitute with your favorite butter, but don't even think of using margarine)
2 slabs of real bacon
1 large onion, diced
6 large tomatoes, cut into large chunks
120 ml of cilantro, finely diced
120 ml jalapeños, chopped (optional)
Salt and pepper to taste after cooking

Boil the frickin unsalted beans, butter, and bacon in a covered pot for 2 frickin hours. Be sure to use enough water to boil the beans
the entire time. Make sure the frickin pot remains covered the entire frickin time. Be careful to adjust the heat to allow it to boil without
overflowing. If you have access to Bolner's Fiesta Spices, you can add 15 mL of pinto bean seasoning at the start of boil. After 1 hour,
add the rest of the frickin ingredients. When finished boiling, you may add some frickin salt and pepper to taste.

Note: Do not add salt till after cooking, as salt will impede the softening of the frickin beans.

Goldmember's Personal Serving Suggestions:

1. Breakfast Tacos: Bring 500 ml of beans back to boil, mash them up, and take off of heat. Cook up some scrambled eggs,
heat up some tortillas on a comal (skillet), then place a spoon or two of the eggs and beans on each tortilla.

2. Beans and Sauerkraut: Combine a liter of beans and some sauerkraut in a pot. Heat that sucked up, and eat it.*

*Caution: Warn your spouse of the impending gas attack. Goldmember suggests sleeping under a heavy
quilt to reduce the impact of the flatulence.

 

[eSGEe]

butt I dont wanna go to Pittsburger .........................................

 

[Goldmember]

Updated

 

[Goldmember]

butt I dont wanna go to Pittsburger .........................................

Come on, Adrian. You know you want to. Think of that Chip-Chop ham, the Klondikes, the sammiches, the Iron City beer, the Stoney's beer...
Where else could you walk around sayin', "What you'nz doin'?"

 

[Inspector #20]

GOLDMEMBER'S GOLDEN BEANS

*Caution: Warn your spouse of the impending gas attack. Goldmember suggests sleeping under a heavy
quilt to reduce the impact of the flatulence.

I sleep at a 45° degree angle with one knee draw up for maximum vapor diffusion trajectory. Once spouse begins snoring, pinch a section of the blanket in front of her nose and raise it into a pent roof.

Then raise you leg a few inches and air will be draw Into the blanket. Now, release a putrid salvo and lower your leg. The effective cross sectional area of the blanket will be reduced, forcing your humid payload directly into the victim's airspace.

 

[eclecticsynergy]

Sounds good.
A question about the bacon - how big are the slabs?
Do they need to be chopped or sliced? Or do they naturally break up during the boil time?

 

[eSGEe]

Come on, Adrian. You know you want to. Think of that Chip-Chop ham, the Klondikes, the sammiches, the Iron City beer, the Stoney's beer...
Where else could you walk around sayin', "What you'nz doin'?"

Ive been to Pittstown ---the bBurger--- Steel City--- and as a devote Cleveland Browns fan I am sworn to despise the "burgh" ----though (it is a very nice city that has rebounded from bad govt. and economic woes very nicely) three Rivers Stadium was also "something to see"

 

[Goldmember]

Sounds good.
A question about the bacon - how big are the slabs?
Do they need to be chopped or sliced? Or do they naturally break up during the boil time?

Here in Texas, I chose HEB Center Cut bacon, which has slabs cut approximately ¼ inch or 6mm thick
and 10 inches or 25cm in length.

However, you could use any bacon you dig!

 

[Trident]

Well said Robert

 

[Hackmaster]

Mmmmmm, pork & beans.
Not sure why I like that $hit so much, but it's always been a lifelong favorite.
Especially with pulled pork, ribs, or hotdogs.

That sounds like a winner, Goldie.

 

[Mitch Pearrow SJMP]

Sounds the same as my wife makes them as well, she also does the crockpot method, that takes a longer time to cook,
But are my favorite of all !
Cheers Mitch

 

[Inspector #20]

Mmmmmm, pork & beans.
Not sure why I like that $hit so much, but it's always been a lifelong favorite.
Especially with pulled pork, ribs, or hotdogs.

That sounds like a winner, Goldie.

Pork and beans with habanero and brown sugar

 

[eclecticsynergy]

Here in Texas, I chose HEB Center Cut bacon, which has slabs cut approximately ¼ inch or 6mm thick
and 10 inches or 25cm in length.

However, you could use any bacon you dig!

And you just leave 'em whole, not sliced or chopped?

 

[Gahr]

*Caution: Warn your spouse of the impending gas attack. Goldmember suggests sleeping under a heavy
quilt to reduce the impact of the flatulence.

Are you totally insane?? Restricting the free flow of that gas might be fatal! Think of what will happen when you lift the blanket for the first time in the morning! A mere ray of sunlight will cause spontaneous combustion! Better to let the evil out slowly throughout the night...

 

[Catmandue]

Goldie are the onions finely diced and maybe mostly dissolved? I'm not an onion freak myself. I do onion rings. Even those can get a bit over greasy.

 

[Trident]

The after effects are just aromatic as well.

A lil fermentation does wonders

 

[Goldmember]

Goldie are the onions finely diced and maybe mostly dissolved? I'm not an onion freak myself. I do onion rings. Even those can get a bit over greasy.

Hi Cat! You may dice them in any manner you choose, from paper thin to large chunks.

 

[Goldmember]

Are you totally insane?? Restricting the free flow of that gas might be fatal! Think of what will happen when you lift the blanket for the first time in the morning! A mere ray of sunlight will cause spontaneous combustion! Better to let the evil out slowly throughout the night...

Hi Gahr! Yesh, I'm completely insane, but Mrs. Goldmember prefers olfactory and auditory containment and absorption of the gas.

By the way, why is it that men produce gas, but women do not?

 

[Session 5]

GOLDMEMBER'S GOLDEN BEANS

1 kilo rinsed pinto beans
1 ml fresh Dutch butter (you can substitute with your favorite butter, but don't even think of using margarine)
2 slabs of real bacon
1 large onion, diced
6 large tomatoes, cut into large chunks
120 ml of cilantro, finely diced
120 ml jalapeños, chopped (optional)
Salt and pepper to taste after cooking

Boil the frickin unsalted beans, butter, and bacon in a covered pot for 2 frickin hours. Be sure to use enough water to boil the beans
the entire time. Make sure the frickin pot remains covered the entire frickin time. Be careful to adjust the heat to allow it to boil without
overflowing. If you have access to Bolner's Fiesta Spices, you can add 15 mL of pinto bean seasoning at the start of boil. After 1 hour,
add the rest of the frickin ingredients. When finished boiling, you may add some frickin salt and pepper to taste.

Note: Do not add salt till after cooking, as salt will impede the softening of the frickin beans.

Goldmember's Personal Serving Suggestions:

1. Breakfast Tacos: Bring 500 ml of beans back to boil, mash them up, and take off of heat. Cook up some scrambled eggs,
heat up some tortillas on a comal (skillet), then place a spoon or two of the eggs and beans on each tortilla.

2. Beans and Sauerkraut: Combine a liter of beans and some sauerkraut in a pot. Heat that sucked up, and eat it.*

*Caution: Warn your spouse of the impending gas attack. Goldmember suggests sleeping under a heavy
quilt to reduce the impact of the flatulence.

And for desert?

 

[Session 5]

Sorry Goldmember , just had to do that. I bet she tastes mighty good ole chap!