Pretty funny

iblive said:
I'm confused how a Michigan. cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
Click to expand...
Disclaimer: The following link is strictly informative. Interesting read.
proteanmag.com

Picket Lines in the Graveyard: A History of Cemetery Workers' Strikes • Protean Magazine

This Halloween, Kim Kelly relates the history of gravedigger's strikes. Underappreciated cemetery workers perform an essential social service, but only collective action can win them pay and job conditions that reflect their importance.
proteanmag.com proteanmag.com
 
A cowboy once told his grandson the secret to a long life:

“Son, just sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal every morning, and you’ll live to a ripe old age.”
So the cowboy did it faithfully. And sure enough, he lived to 96 years old.

When he passed, he left behind 6 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren…

… and a 16-foot crater in the wall of the crematorium.
 
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. The locals had a habit of picking on strangers, and sure enough, when he finished his beer, his horse was gone.
He stormed back inside, flipped his gun into the air, caught it without even looking, and fired a shot into the ceiling.

“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!” he roared.

Silence.

“Alright then… I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I did in Texas! And trust me, I don’t wanna do what I did in Texas again!”

The saloon went quiet. The cowboy finished his drink, walked outside—and there was his horse, tied up and waiting.

As he mounted up, the bartender followed him out.

“Say, partner… what exactly happened in Texas?”

The cowboy tipped his hat and said,
“I had to walk home.”
 
A cowboy was riding the open range, when, all of a sudden, he was bushwhacked.
He told the thieves he had only 1 request before they stole his beloved steed.
He wished only to whisper in the horse's ear.
The thieves laughed and let him.

Late the next afternoon, the cowboy heard some giggling and horses racing towards him.
He saw his horse, and screamed as loud as he could ---

" I sad POSSE !! "
 
Early on a Saturday morning Roy Rogers bought and put on a new pair of boots. He saddled up Trigger and went for a ride. Just before noontime the new boots began chafing his shins. He saw a big oak tree, stopped, and took the boots off. He leaned back against the tree and dozed off. An hour later he awoke to see a mountain lion tearing away on his boots. He shot and killed the lion. He put the boots and the lion on the front of the saddle and rode back into town. An old man sitting on a porch saw him and said, "pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"

:io:
 
A cowboy arrives at the Pearly Gates.
"Tell me, have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offers. "On a trip to the Big Horn Mountains out in Wyoming, I saw a gang of tough-looking bikers threatening a pretty young gal. She was scared and crying. I told them to leave the poor girl alone but they wouldn't, and I'm not gonna repeat the language they used.
So I walked right up to the biggest, baddest one in the bunch. I punched him in the face, ripped out his nose ring, threw it on the ground, and kicked his bike over. Then I turned to the other five and said, 'Now the rest of you boys better clear outta here, or I'll kick your asses too!'"

St. Peter is impressed. "That was noble and courageous of you. Tell me, my son, when did all this this happen?"

The cowboy replies, "About five minutes ago."
 
Sargeant Preston said:
Early on a Saturday morning Roy Rogers bought and put on a new pair of boots. He saddled up Trigger and went for a ride. Just before noontime the new boots began chafing his shins. He saw a big oak tree, stopped, and took the boots off. He leaned back against the tree and dozed off. An hour later he awoke to see a mountain lion tearing away on his boots. He shot and killed the lion. He put the boots and the lion on the front of the saddle and rode back into town. An old man sitting on a porch saw him and said, "pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"

:io:
Click to expand...
I told that story to my granddaughters a few years ago. They sat there, looked at me, and said, "Who is Roy Rogers?" :ROFLMAO:
 
An elderly woman walked into the store to buy some cat food. She picked up three cans, but when she reached the cashier, she was stopped.
"I'm sorry," the cashier said, "but we can’t sell this to you unless you prove you have a cat. Some seniors have been buying cat food for themselves, so we need to make sure it’s for your pet."
The woman, unfazed, returned home, brought her cat back to the store, and showed it to the cashier. Satisfied, the cashier allowed her to purchase the food.
The next day, the woman came back to buy two cans of dog food. Again, the cashier stopped her. "I’ll need proof you have a dog," she said.
With a sigh, the woman went home, fetched her dog, and brought it to the store. Once again, the cashier relented, and the woman left with her purchase.
On the third day, the elderly woman returned, holding a small box with a hole in the lid. She handed it to the cashier and said, "Would you mind sticking your finger inside?"
The cashier frowned. "What if there’s something dangerous in there?"
The woman smiled. "I promise, it won’t hurt you."
Reluctantly, the cashier put her finger in the hole, then quickly yanked it out, her face twisting in disgust. "That’s revolting!" she exclaimed.
Grinning, the woman replied, "Glad you think so. Now, can I buy two rolls of toilet paper, please?
 
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