I think this realization has been quite a long time coming, but i really never paid any attention to it - at least not seriously - until quite recently.
"When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer..."
Looking back this morning, as a gentle rain is falling, i am reflecting on my life and everything that i had set before myself as a goal.
To summarize, I've flown airplanes, served in the military as a counterterrorism specialist, worked as a policeman, raced automobiles and motorcycles, worked as an attorney's assistant, taught live performance workshops for the music academy, built a few guitars, worked for Fender, and - in general - earned a good living in the music industry doing daily what many do for free.
The only goals that i ever set for myself that i have not yet realized was space travel and flying the P-38 Lockheed Lightning. I've already crossed flying the P47 Thunderbolt off my list.
Over the past 5 years, i also set secondary goals to include the complete rennovation of the family home, turning the sloped, mountainside backyard into a flat, useable space, and being a better, albeit more 'accessible' husband. I've also achieved these milestones.
All of the inner drive to achieve goals has somehow ground to a halt as i have come to realize that there are no more world's left to conquer.
I cannot honestly think of anything else to do.
I'm not sure where this realization will lead, but it is something that i need to seriously consider.
Although i have stopped playing with other bands and solo artists, I'm still under contract to Outfall and we recently embarked on a new album, so that is a new kind of goal, so to speak, but it won't take very long to complete those tasks.
One of my greatest joys these days is driving into the complete absence of human existence and societal manifestation. I find the greatest peace in the deepest depths of the desert where you cannot even dial 9-1-1.
I suppose this new chapter is not yet written and i have no idea where this path will lead, but i feel myself disconnecting from things thst i feel i have conquered and these things now hold no further fascination for me.
I must decide whether or not to return to teaching, or if i want to go ahead and pursue my law degree...or, perhaps...just do nothing???
My book on 'Political & Police Corruption in California's Central Valley' is one goal that i set aside until i was completely retired. This too needs to be evaluated, but I'm not ready to spend my days writing just yet.
Funny, I'm not really troubled by all of this, but it feels very strange not having a long list of goals to accomplish.
My wife is encouraging me to just walk away from everything and just play with music as a hobby, but im not sure that's possible for me.
So many things to consider, and yet none of it has any grand importance.
I am quite satisfied that - looking back - i couldn't have done it any better. I did the best that i could do in every situation that i found myself in...and that's the best any of us can do...
"When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer..."
Looking back this morning, as a gentle rain is falling, i am reflecting on my life and everything that i had set before myself as a goal.
To summarize, I've flown airplanes, served in the military as a counterterrorism specialist, worked as a policeman, raced automobiles and motorcycles, worked as an attorney's assistant, taught live performance workshops for the music academy, built a few guitars, worked for Fender, and - in general - earned a good living in the music industry doing daily what many do for free.
The only goals that i ever set for myself that i have not yet realized was space travel and flying the P-38 Lockheed Lightning. I've already crossed flying the P47 Thunderbolt off my list.
Over the past 5 years, i also set secondary goals to include the complete rennovation of the family home, turning the sloped, mountainside backyard into a flat, useable space, and being a better, albeit more 'accessible' husband. I've also achieved these milestones.
All of the inner drive to achieve goals has somehow ground to a halt as i have come to realize that there are no more world's left to conquer.
I cannot honestly think of anything else to do.
I'm not sure where this realization will lead, but it is something that i need to seriously consider.
Although i have stopped playing with other bands and solo artists, I'm still under contract to Outfall and we recently embarked on a new album, so that is a new kind of goal, so to speak, but it won't take very long to complete those tasks.
One of my greatest joys these days is driving into the complete absence of human existence and societal manifestation. I find the greatest peace in the deepest depths of the desert where you cannot even dial 9-1-1.
I suppose this new chapter is not yet written and i have no idea where this path will lead, but i feel myself disconnecting from things thst i feel i have conquered and these things now hold no further fascination for me.
I must decide whether or not to return to teaching, or if i want to go ahead and pursue my law degree...or, perhaps...just do nothing???
My book on 'Political & Police Corruption in California's Central Valley' is one goal that i set aside until i was completely retired. This too needs to be evaluated, but I'm not ready to spend my days writing just yet.
Funny, I'm not really troubled by all of this, but it feels very strange not having a long list of goals to accomplish.
My wife is encouraging me to just walk away from everything and just play with music as a hobby, but im not sure that's possible for me.
So many things to consider, and yet none of it has any grand importance.
I am quite satisfied that - looking back - i couldn't have done it any better. I did the best that i could do in every situation that i found myself in...and that's the best any of us can do...
