I hear ya. Since I am constantly fiddling with my knobs (not a euphemism) I don't think too much about it, and I find the louder my amp is the less perceived difference between the pickups.
I struggle with hearing my amp distinctly when the stage volumes are really high, but on some songs, i know a certain pickup or combination of pickups is needed on a particular song, so i switch to them "in the blind" even if i cannot hear the nuances.
We rehearse in a meadow in Forest Falls, Ca., and neighbors come from all around to watch and we are continually complimented on our tone, so i am guessing that it sounds good out past 25 or 30 feet or so, even if i am not hearing all the "details" on the stage.
The Weber beam blocker has been a nice addition to my amps and kind of helps eliminate that "lazer beam" effect, although it doesn't make it any easier to hear when yiu are standing next to it.
Running a second EQ for volume boost (solos) has also given great results. I'm running it through the FX loop, so the boost doesn't increase gain, but it also allows me to create a huge, fat lead tone, then drop back to a more 'conservative' rhythm tone with no tweaking of the knobs.
I cannot hear - nor process - the need for fine adjustments to my guitar while playing, so knobs are generally always up...
