So boys and girls, I’ve debated sharing this for almost as long as I’ve been a member here on TTR. Every time I’ve thought of sharing, I’d talk myself out of it. I guess now seems like the right time. I share not for condolences or sympathy. I share to offer hope and healing.
January 2012 my family suffered something no family should have to endure. My youngest son’s wife had been experiencing some pretty severe headaches. On Jan 7, 2012 she had an MRI and it was discovered she had an inoperable brain tumor. That evening she went into surgery for a biopsy to find out just what the doctors were dealing with and a suggested treatment. There was bleeding. The brain swelled. She never woke up. On Jan 9, my 28 year old son had to make the decision to take his 29 year old wife off life support and begin funeral arrangements. Explain that one to a 3 year old and 5 year old. You want to talk about a gut punch.
Now the grieving process begins. For me…. As much as it hurt to lose our Daughter-In-law, in some ways seeing the pain and lost-ness in my son’s eyes was almost too much for me. I’m a Dad. I’m supposed to be able to fix things. But I couldn’t fix this one. I felt helpless. But as they say. Time marches on and whether you like it or not, ya gotta get on the train or get left behind feeling sorry for yourself. In many ways it was actually our son that helped us get better. I asked him one day how he was working thru the grief faster than the rest of us. He said “Dad… I have no choice. I’m a single father now. I have my two kids that need me.”
With support from our family, friends and our faith, it did get better. Our son eventually met and married a wonderful young lady. She is awesome and accepted his two kids as if they were hers. In fact, she has legally adopted them so if something were to happen to our son, she is legally their mom. They have added two more grandkids to the fold. Life is good again. I can say though. Eight years later, there isn’t a day I don’t think of his first wife. Sometimes with a smile. Sometimes with a tear.
So why share now? Reading many of your posts, it seems like a lot of us have had to go thru some hard stuff. Some harder than others. It’s important to let the grief happen. For a couple years I could barely talk about her without choking up and babbling like a baby. More than one person would put their arm around me... give me a hug… and not say a thing. And it’d be just what I needed. So, let people in. Don’t hold it in. It will make you nuts and not let you grieve. If you do, there is light and hope at the end of the tunnel. Lean on your friends and family. Find that inner strength. Whatever, just don’t try to work thru the grieving process on your own.
You never get over it. You never forget. But you will come to accept the new reality.
Sorry…. That was longer than I expected.
January 2012 my family suffered something no family should have to endure. My youngest son’s wife had been experiencing some pretty severe headaches. On Jan 7, 2012 she had an MRI and it was discovered she had an inoperable brain tumor. That evening she went into surgery for a biopsy to find out just what the doctors were dealing with and a suggested treatment. There was bleeding. The brain swelled. She never woke up. On Jan 9, my 28 year old son had to make the decision to take his 29 year old wife off life support and begin funeral arrangements. Explain that one to a 3 year old and 5 year old. You want to talk about a gut punch.
Now the grieving process begins. For me…. As much as it hurt to lose our Daughter-In-law, in some ways seeing the pain and lost-ness in my son’s eyes was almost too much for me. I’m a Dad. I’m supposed to be able to fix things. But I couldn’t fix this one. I felt helpless. But as they say. Time marches on and whether you like it or not, ya gotta get on the train or get left behind feeling sorry for yourself. In many ways it was actually our son that helped us get better. I asked him one day how he was working thru the grief faster than the rest of us. He said “Dad… I have no choice. I’m a single father now. I have my two kids that need me.”
With support from our family, friends and our faith, it did get better. Our son eventually met and married a wonderful young lady. She is awesome and accepted his two kids as if they were hers. In fact, she has legally adopted them so if something were to happen to our son, she is legally their mom. They have added two more grandkids to the fold. Life is good again. I can say though. Eight years later, there isn’t a day I don’t think of his first wife. Sometimes with a smile. Sometimes with a tear.
So why share now? Reading many of your posts, it seems like a lot of us have had to go thru some hard stuff. Some harder than others. It’s important to let the grief happen. For a couple years I could barely talk about her without choking up and babbling like a baby. More than one person would put their arm around me... give me a hug… and not say a thing. And it’d be just what I needed. So, let people in. Don’t hold it in. It will make you nuts and not let you grieve. If you do, there is light and hope at the end of the tunnel. Lean on your friends and family. Find that inner strength. Whatever, just don’t try to work thru the grieving process on your own.
You never get over it. You never forget. But you will come to accept the new reality.
Sorry…. That was longer than I expected.
in the face of such enormous loss, so i will suffice to say that i hope and pray for healing...
