Well, growing up, I was a complete social outcast. I never fit in no matter where I went. I always had an odd way about me. Raised around adults, I was often told that I talk fumy and used big words. Many, many years later it was that I was diagnosed as having the personality disorder Aspberger's Syndrome. I made and maintain one friend from my youth, whom I still chat with frequently to this day. I know many people through my work and I know how to talk and present myself in a way that is acceptable. I suppose it's a skill that I developed over the years.
I loved drama and acting, but trying to be involved in that was impossible because of social-class prejudice. Only the wealthy kids got into the drama club. I loved wearing hats and vibrant, interesting clothes, and for that I was given the nickname 'Fag' even though I had a singular attraction to females. I was ridiculed daily because I lived on a farm on the 'Mexican-side' of the community. I was teased and picked on for being a 'scarecrow' (I was 6'-2" 160 pounds until my senior year) and my life outside my home was pure misery.
I also developed a very keen sense of how people felt by watching them and listening to them. I could also tell - rather quickly - if someone was a nice person or not, as if I had some kind of sixth-sense or something.
My parents were very kind to me and at home. There - in my sanctuary - I felt invincible. I read everything I could get my hands on. I was constantly going to the library to learn something new. I got good grades, and most of my teacher's seemed to like me, or at least, politely tolerated me. I was the kid who always put his hand up because I knew the answer. I loved being prepared for things. If the teacher told us on Friday that we were going to study the literary work of Shakespeare the following week, I would spend the weekend binge reading on the topic.
Music was the one place I could break free. I so identified with Freddie Mercury's character in Bohemian Rhapsody. The stage was the only place I felt alive...perhaps even normal.
My home now is also my sanctuary. When people visit, they comment on how peaceful it is here. While I have learned how to present people the person they want and expect - even in a variety of social settings - I still try to limit my exposure to others on a personal level and I keep everything strictly professional.
Now, when I go grocery shopping, that's another story. My daughter and I (she is 14) recite lines from Romeo and Juliet back and forth to each other in an English accent. I still ride the cart down empty aisles.
Chas Fred has met me, and I think I was fairly well behaved as I recall...
Sorry...mind rambling on....
No need be sorry or self conscious to share one's feelings, Robert or anyone else here on this forum.
But, I will say you have experienced pretty normal treatment based on our generation we grew up in. Kids can be pretty tough on other kids whether they were rich, poor, Mexican, White, Black, Korean, Chinese, German, etc etc. Many an emotion was experienced in children for many centuries to where they felt accepted, shunned, ostracized or loved. In many ways, whether having any kind of diagnosis of Asperger's or not, or any other reasons behind the way we act, the bottom line is as we mature and react in many different ways. We either thrive, whither, act counterproductive to positivity or cope with all our hurdles and win some and lose some along the way.
As you have bravely shared with us, you had many negative and positive influences. Thankfully the ones from family, areas of interest, specialized skills, and even your times in and out of your comfort zones, mostly prepped you in fruitful ways that shaped who you are today.
In some ways, it had to suck and weigh on you tremendously as you grew up with so much ammo that was used against you. Adding Asperger's on top of that definitely makes a rough time for a sensitive youngster, which I think we all can agree you were. Flash forward to adulthood and from where we see things, you have developed many healthy experiences and skills from life smoothing off some of your square peg in round hole scenarios and even situations where you got teased and called names. You are obviously now not 160 lbs, and as far as economic status, from where I see it, you are pretty stable financially. You have a loving wife and are doing your best to be a good dad, and as we know, you and mom and dad are still tight.
I am also sure while many of us likely did not get called, Fag or want to be a thespian or read Shakespeare before we HAD TO,,,,,,,,,,,,,, we can all agree we had times of feeling out of place or unlikable and yet we craved to belong and feel special to friends and even girls etc.
As I head to the downside of the 50's, I can easily get lost in my day to day surviving. But, I also have interludes where I still remember many many experiences from my youth that equipped me to survive my toughest of experiences and to relish the enjoyable ones through the 4 preceding decades. I could likely write a book detailing all the highs and lows and outcomes of all my experiences. Still, many of us would say "been there done that." So I guess my point is, keep on doing what you do best, sprinkle in some "go for it" despite the potential for failure outcomes, love your family and friends with all you have, and above all else, keep it real. Life will have a way of unfolding and putting you through experiences you never saw coming. What you make of these, is what will go in your "toolbox" "treasure chest" "words of wisdom" type things you pass on as an example to those around you.
PS. You have many exceptional skills that I am sure loads of us would need a ton of work and practice to equal. Do your best with playing, recording, gigging etc and enjoy the trip. Stop and smell the roses so the joy of doing so will write it's own story as you take time to see all the pieces that got you there.